


remembering you as you were to me

by amugfulofstarlight



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Grief/Mourning, Other, this is super messy lmao but I guess I’m putting this here anyways sgshsjsjs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amugfulofstarlight/pseuds/amugfulofstarlight
Summary: Before he died, Alec Hardy recorded videos for Daisy to watch during various stages of her life. Now in her 50s, Daisy watches the final video, and her father’s final moments.Inspired by @gozenichiji’s angsty Alec messages in my DMs, so the credits to this premise all go to her!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	remembering you as you were to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gozenichiji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gozenichiji/gifts).



> This is a super duper rough drabble I did but thought I’d post it anyways.
> 
> Do check out @gozenichiji’s fics!

Daisy stared at the footage of her father on the screen, tubes clinging to his disheveled form. His face looked more gaunt than usual, and there seemed to be a distant, vacant look in his eyes as life gradually faded from them.

Her father's voice was shaky and weak, as he mustered up all the strength he could to speak. Daisy's heart ached as she heard him speak, a sickening, sinking sensation bubbling and festering at the pit of her stomach as his voice grew weaker and weaker. When he finished speaking his eyes seemed to take on a knowing look, as he stared right into the camera. 

Daisy could see the hint of a smile playing upon his chapped lips behind the fogged up oxygen mask. In spite of the chilling amount of tubes hooked onto her father, the smile was warm.

Yet at the same time there was a looming sense of finality, like this was the end of it all, the end of these series of increasingly heart wrenching videos, the end of her father's life.

Through the screen Daisy saw the life fade away from her father's eyes, the smile leave his lips, and the way his drip needle-pierced hand dropped and hung limp off the side of his bed. She heared that dreadful sound, that piercing monotonous sound that seemed to drag on forever like a relentless torture device. Her wrinkled hands lost their grip on the phone, the device clattering onto the floor as the video reached its end. It had been decades since that happened, but actually witnessing the very final moments of her father's life made her numb. She felt a chasm open up within her and swallow her. She was distraught but no tears came, as she desperately forced herself to cry. 

As if on a delayed cue, the floodgates opened and her eyes watered and her hands shook as she hugged herself, trying to remember the way her father held her. Her body remembered the tightness of his hugs, the way he would pull her into his warm embrace, the way he would rest his chin atop her head, the way they would remain like that for a while soaking up each other's presence. As she remembered, Daisy was also painfully aware of the absence of his presence, a decades long absence that suddenly hit her with the force of a truck. 

She drew her knees close and hugged them, burying her tear stained face into herself. She sobbed, as memories of her father played like home videos in her head.

She had a family of her own, married to Chloe Latimer, the couple adopting a young son named Ethan. 

She had a successful long-standing career, having become a cardiothoracic surgeon.

Despite all these anchors keeping her grounded, giving her some semblance of a normal, peaceful life, she felt vulnerable. It felt like she was a young girl again, trapped inside the body of a 50-year-old, as she crumbled under the weight of her resurfacing grief. 

These videos, as painful as they were to get through throughout the years, made her feel like he was there, by her side. Just hearing his voice say her name, hearing it utter sweet words of comfort and encouragement, made it seem like he was never gone. But now that she had reached the final video, the final one he had recorded, she felt lost. 

She felt like she had been put out to sea on a boat, with no oars, no anchor, no rope, no engine. She felt directionless, as waves of uncertainty swept her and carried her to nowhere. With her father’s videos, she at least had something to expect, a remnant of her father waiting for her at milestones of her life. Her father was her guiding star, a glimmer of ever-shining light amongst the darkness that swallowed her after his death. His continued presence through those videos motivated her, kept her going, made her push through to make him proud. She could rewatch the videos, but all it would do now is make her relive his pain, his laboured breathing, his faltering voice. 

She felt a pair of arms envelop her tightly, and turned around to see Chloe, who offered her a smile. No words were exchanged, but Daisy closed her eyes and sunk into her wife’s embrace, as Chloe hummed a song to calm her down. From her position on the floor wrapped in Chloe’s arms, Daisy picked up her phone and opened up her gallery, clicking on a photo of her and her father from when she was 18. 

It was them by the beach. Her father had his arm draped on her shoulder. His eyes were squinty from the sunlight, making his smile seem more like a pained grimace. He was dressed in his coat, suit and tie, specks of sand clinging onto the fabric. She had her hair in a ponytail, and like her father her smile looked more like she was in pain, squinting from the sun. 

Ellie had taken the photo, and had laughed and teased her father about it afterwards, saying how they both looked like they had eaten the most sour lemon. She remembered the way Ellie laughed, how it was light, airy and bubbly, like it was dancing and skipping on air. She remembered her father’s annoyed grunts and huffs, the way he rolled his eyes and furrowed his brows when his partner made fun of him. She remembered how he bought her an ice cream with a chocolate flake afterwards, the trio enjoying ice cream by the beach as they strolled, soaking in the salty sea air and relishing the creamy sweetness of the dessert. It was like a moment frozen in time, a perfect picture of happiness and comfort.

Daisy smiled as she remembered those moments. She didn’t want to remember her father as the gaunt figure lying limp on the hospital bed, she wanted to remember him as how he always was to her: a man who would do anything for his daughter, who would brave through the deepest waters and barrel through any obstacle for her sake, a man whose love for his daughter was unquestionable and unwavering. She wanted to remember him for who he always was, and who he will always be: Alec Hardy, a loving father. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue what I’m doing lol


End file.
